This page is no longer updated

We've left it here for reference. Find Out More.

The Resthome: A to L

This page is no longer updated and kept here for archive purposes only. Please visit the new Fancy A Brew page for up to date news and information.

Welcome to the Resthome's rest room. Inside this room, sorted by A-L are the following poor critters:

Don't forget, we've recently opened a new wing with M-Z in it.

Bez Sez.

What do you get when you combine Bez, dancing bloke from the Happy Mondays, and someone saying something profound. You get Bez Sez!

It took a special class of person to utter what Bez did and he did it with style on the Graveyard Shift which quickly became the Radio One version of Thought for the Day. Sadly profound and meaning in life was not something the Radio One management was keen to see, and the feature never made it to daytime radio.

Bird or Bloke.

"Is it a bloke, or is it a bird?"
"How the hell should I know?"
"How absurd."

How absurd indeed, and yet this was the premise behind Bird or Bloke. Five names of famous people - which are male and which are female? As the contestant you would have to guess.

However Bird of Bloke's fate was sealed by the fact that there just aren't that many famous people whose names sound either male or female. So what do you do when that happens? Well it's clear. Ditch the original, and run off with a relative - Bird or Bloke was abandoned in favour of 'Fish or Fowl'. Several other cousins followed, including the horsey 'Dobbin or Bobbin', the cinemarey 'Flick or Trick', the greeny 'Plant or Pant' and and the poptastic 'Group or Poop'.

Not long after being chucked out, Bird or Bloke tried a name change to become 'Bard or Blake', where the contestant (usually a slightly famous poet) would have to guess whether a poem was by the Bard (William Shakespeare) or (William) Blake. Sadly it was too highbrow a concept for Radio One, and Radio Four wasn't interested, meaning it was all over, just too soon.

The Cheesily Cheerful Chart Challenge.

Most of the time, when a DJ leaves a slot, he takes up all his features and leaves them in the rubbish bin. And so it nearly came to pass that Nicky Campbell's Teasily Topical Tripple Tracker was nearly abandoned. It was saved though by kindly producer, Rhys Hughes, who, giving the feature a quick makeover and a new pair of clothes, gave it a new lease of life as the Cheesily Cheerful Chart Challenge.

Running for nearly four years, from 1997 to 2001, it was one of Mark and Lard's longest lasting features. Based around the concept of finding an amusing news story in the papers, listeners were invited to phone in and suggest songs which related to the subject matter, as well as providing a handy excuse to play some decent music for once.

The CCCC must have thought it would never end, but as with anything Mark and Lard related, it would be consigned to the bin in the end. In the name of 'progress' and because Mark and Lard were 'bored' of its company, it was pensioned off into a nice retirement castle in Preston.

Unfortunaltly the CCCC became depressed and spent all its money buying brown 7inch vinyl records like the Tindersticks Party Album. Alone and penniless, it was one of the first Quality Items to arrive at our doorstep, and we have been looking after it ever since.

The Craptown Factor.

Presented by Gordon 'Krypton Factor' Burns, The Craptown Factor first made it to national prominence in the early days of the duo's afternoon show on Radio One.

With a simple, yet enticing format where the contestant had to guess whether the name of a town was crap or not, it's future seemed to be bright, and surrounded with lots of cash and a big, expensive car. However it was not to be. After a good long stint, it was replaced on the airwaves by its younger sister, 'The International Craptown Factor' and thrown out onto the streets.

After spending several years sleeping near a motorway in Kent, it was rescued and brought to us to look after.

Dick and Ken The Snooker Men.

Snooker on the radio is perhaps most associated with the big hairy cornflake, Dave Lee Travis, but during Mark Radcliffe's reign on the Graveyard Shift, Radio One ended up broadcasting live commentary when the BBC found itself with an abundance of unused snooker rights, and a desire by the management to 'get with da kids'.

Dick and Ken were brought on to commentate in hushed tones and their own unique humourous style, to an appreciative late night audience, but sadly the rights were used up far too quickly and the commentary stopped.

Gagging For It.

Gagging For It became unemployed on December 7, 2001. A small featurette where people would phone in and tell bad jokes even more badly, got chucked off the air mainly as the contestants were struggling to come up with any new material. Better to quit whilst its fresh after all. We wouldn't want jokes like "Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side" polluting the airwaves would we?

Indepth Reportage.

Another quality item from the early days of the afternoon show was Indepth Reportage.

Part of the BBC's mission to bring news and current affairs to the youth of Britain, Mark Radcliffe interviewed people related to the stories that matter to the nation. And not just the really stupid stories you find on Page 8 of The Sun either.

Yes, Indepth Reportage was for many, the authority on current affairs on the BBC, however its success was shortlived. With senior management screaming at the door demainding a "More Crappy Music - Especially Steps" policy, Indepth Reportage was axed.

Despite a brief revival on little watched TV station, The ITN News Channel, Mr Reportage - Indepth to his friends - was down on his luck. And came to us for help. Currently going through rehabilitation, it is hoped this once proud feature can return to society soon.

Lard's Classic Cuts.

Basically an excuse for Lard to play a really bad record, which had been maltreated, and played on air for the whole world to listen to it's really bad quality and warpedness, the public soon got fed up of Lard playing bad records that jumped and skipped and screached, and soon started a mild and peaceful protest outside New Broadcasting House in Manchester.

The riot police were called but the judge found in favour of the protesters and the feature was soon kicked out in September 2001. We took it under our wing at this difficult time, and hope soon to allow it back into the wild.

Planet Bods Sites in the network