Negbores Episode 13

<Theme music then update time... The coffee shop...>

UV...: But <Cue dramatic music etall> one day Lassiters will rise again. One day we will reign supreme! One day, Paul Bobinson will be sat in his chair again! IT WILL HAPPEN!

<To the shed...>

Helen: Well Grandson, if you look under my bed, you'll see and AK47 and a shit load of bullets. Lets run them Pacific Corp gits odda town! Now come on dudes, sing along! If ya wanna get with me, led me hear you say Helen D! Come on hommies!

<To Loo Roll's garden...>

Roll: Yeah well. <Looks puzzled...> But Madge has just said she's seen Helen...

Philip: <Shocked look> What?

Bog: I said But Madge has just said she's seen Helen....

Philip: Yes I know that. You just told me.

Brush: <Confused> Then why did you act as if you didn't hear you.

Philip: I didn't. I acted in disbelief at what you said... Anyway we haven't got time for this. Where did Madge go?

Basil: In your house I think...

Philip: Right. Hannah, you stay outside. This mission is too dangerous for girls.

Goyt: What? You think I'm going to sit out here by myself. No way Philip I'm coming with you.

Philip: No. Stay out here and look after the heather which we are going to sleep on tonight.

Broom: Ah yes! The Famous Two to the rescue! <Pause and mutters> They've gone too far this time. Borrowing ideas from Enid Blyton of all people.....

<Cut to shed. Paul (who as we all know by now is the Unseen Voice) is swigging some Ginger ale with Helen.>

Paul: Ha ha! Now nothing can stop my evil plan to rid the world of goody goody kids who always stop my smuggling and theft plans! Muahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaa!

Helen: Yo! Ged down wid da pardy! Oozi Mumma!

Paul: Oh shut up you boot.

<Cut to Madge in Helen's bedroom...>

Madge: Now where is that gun then? Where can that daft old cow keep it?

<Phil storms into the room.>

Phil: And what do you think you are doing Madge Bishop?

Madge: Ha ha! Pointing this gun at you!

Phil: What gun?

Madge: This gun <waves it in the air...>

Philip: That's a banana.

Madge: Look... It's a bloomin' lethal banana and if you don't get out of my way, you'll feel its full force.

Philip: <Stands tall> Bananas don't scare me.

Madge: Are you sure about that?

Philip: Um...

<He looks down to the ground to think about this - stupid sod - Madge takes the opportunity to whack him around the head with the banana. He falls to the floor. Madge finds the gun and head to the door. Cut to outside with Goyt and Bog Carpenter >

Goyt: I've had enough of guarding the food and heather. I'm going to see what is going on.

Brush: No Hannah! It may be dangerous...

<Goyt heads towards the door. Madge runs out of it. They collide and the gun goes off. It goes into Hannah killing her, jumps out, does a 45degree u-turn and heads towards Madge. Madge ducks, the bullet turns round and hits her head, killing her also.>

Loo: Oh thank goodness for that! A decent story line and everything. Conspiracy theories - the lot! Yahoo!!!!!

<Theme music...>

Behind the Scenes

This was the final episode of "Series 1", and probably where Negbours should have remained. After all, we could all celebrate as that annoying goyt, Hannah, had just been killed. No more would we need to hear her squeaky voice.

If you're wondering about goyt, well it's a river in Manchester. Its use as an insult is primarily down to Rob Grant and Doug Naylor, creators of Red Dwarf, who used geographical names in place of swear words in the programme


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