Negbores Episode 12

<If you haven't guessed who UV... is off the BLATANT CLUE given last episode, you are now about to find out. Cue theme music...>

Madge: Oh yes. How are you coping by the way?

UV...: What d'ya mean?

Madge: Well being invisible?

UV...: How do you think? I mean, the only way I can get back into the country is to become invisible, JUST so I can wrestle control over my own hotel back.

Madge: You've got a battle on your hands.

UV...: I know. I mean. They've turned my office into a doctor's surgery! But <Cue dramatic music etal> one day Lassiters will rise again. One day we will reign supreme! One day, Paul Bobinson will be sat in his chair again! IT WILL HAPPEN!

Madge: I'm sure it will, Paul. But frankly you'd better hurry up. I can't stand living in that house with Harold Wilson for much longer. If he witters on about how Britain was best under him one more time, I swear I'm going to kill him...

<Daphne's Coffin sidles up to Madge and the empty chair where UV... (aka Paul BOBINSON - there sussed it all yet???????????) are sat. The coffin shakes from side to side.>

Madge: No thanks Daph. I won't have another cup of tea. I'm just going.

<Madge walks out of the door. The coffin falls over... Cut to prison cell... Jack Ben and Glen are sat there. They are singing.>

J,B,G: Three brown whisky bottles sitting in a cell. Three brown whisky bottles, sitting in a cell. And if one brown whisky bot...

<A police officer bangs on the door.>

Policeman: Will you shut up! I can't cope with your alcohol induced singing any more!

Glen: And just where do you think we got alcohol from?

<Cut to shed. Madge and UV... are there. With Helen.>

Helen: So that's your cunning plan is it Paul? Why didn't you tell me? I could have helped. I mean, I never get to anything apart from be kidnapped, fall of sofas and all that.

UV...: And what could you have done? Hmm?

Helen: Well Grandson, if you look under my bed, you'll see and AK47 and a shit load of bullets. Lets run them Pacific Corp gits owdda town! Now come on dudes, sing along! If ya wanna get with me, led me hear you say Helen D! Come on hommies!

<UV... and Madge shrug... Cut to Lou Carpenter watering his garden. Madge drives up in her car.>

Loo: Hello Madge dear! How are you?

Madge: Fine bog breath! Hows it going? Hows Danni?

Loo: Alive.

Madge: Anyone in at Helen's?

Loo: Not that I know!

Madge: Okay.

Bog: Why?

Madge: Err... I've got to get some medication for Helen! She thinks she's turned into some rap star called Drilla Helen Killa. She also keeps witterin' on about freakin' some hommies down in a room at Lassiters.

Brush: Oh well. Sofa deprivation is a terrible thing!

<Madge rushes into the house... Meanwhile Philip and Goyt Hannah turn up as if by magic.>

Germ: Oh hello you two! Where have you been?

Goyt: <Gravely> Down the canteen smokin' some co.... AHEM <Goyt voice> Daddy's taken me to the park!

Philip: Yeah. Got to do something to take my mind off this whole Helen kidnap worry.

Roll: Yeah well. <Looks puzzled...> But Madge has just said she's seen Helen...

Philip: <Shocked look> What?


Behind the Scenes

Helen Daniels with an AK47? What an image...


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