Negbores Episode 9

<Theme Music. Max Ramsey gets hit by the cricket ball in the opening sequence (STILL) despite the fact he's dead... Helen stabs Martin Daniels with her paintbrush. He screams and disappears. The acrid smoke fills the room.>

Helen: <Talking through her gag> NOW GIVE ME AN EASEL!

<Cut to No.30. Jack Daniels and Ben Eagles have been joined by Glen. Glen Fiddich. They get in the car.>

Glen: Yeah! Some surf would be great!

Ben: C'mon! It won't take long!

<They drive off, music blaring. A police car picks them up eventually and sounds its sirens. Dramatic music plays.>

Jack: Oh bugger.

<Cut to hospital to see Philip Martin and the annoying goyt Hannah.>

Goyt: <In that squeaky, annoying voice> Dad! Do you think! the script writers! have forgotten! about use seeing as! we've been in this hospital! for about five episodes?

Philip: Probably Hannah, luv.

Goyt: <Transforms into a twenty year old woman with a better voice> Right! Lets head for the canteen!

Philip: <Offers cigarette packet> Cigarette dear?

Goyt: Yes, I know.

<Back to Jack, Glen and Ben in the car with the Copper. Ben is in the driving seat.>

Copper: <To Ben> May I see your license, sir?

Ben: Certainly. <Fishes it out of his pocket> Here it is.

Copper: <Studies for some time. But hey, he's an Aussie actor so he's got to at least pretend that he's putting some effort into his acting.> What's this, sir?

Ben: My license! <Reads it> Ben Eagles. Licensed to sell alcohol and intoxicating liquor for consumption on, or off the premises. <Looks up>

<Cut to a police cell. Jack, Ben and Glen the Whisky bottles are in jail.>

Glen: Typical. It's only the second episode I've been in and I end up being thrown in jail with you two for driving under the influence.

All 3: Sigh.

<Cut to the shed where Helen is still being held hostage>

Unseen Voice: <Unseen - he is the unseen voice after all> You can have your easel shortly Mrs Daniels... Aha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

<Flash up writing says DIABOLICAL LAUGHTER. Changes to DIABOLICAL ACTING shortly afterwards... Theme music plays.>

Behind the Scenes

Diabolical laughter, diabolical acting was, of course, a Monty Python reference. They were probably repeating it at the time or something.

Absolutely no idea now what on earth was going on with the Whisky bottles...


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