Negbores Episode 10

<Cut to a police cell. Jack, Ben and Glen the Whisky bottles are in jail.>

Glen: Typical. It's only the second episode I've been in and I end up being thrown in jail with you two for driving under the influence.

All 3: Sigh.

<Cut to the shed where Helen is still being held hostage>

Unseen Voice: <Unseen - he is the unseen voice after all> You can have your easel shortly Mrs Daniels... Aha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

<Flash up writing says DIABOLICAL LAUGHTER. Changes to DIABOLICAL ACTING shortly afterwards... The theme tune and titles play, resting as they are, in an experimental place. Morrisey is singing the the music, joined by Leonard Cohen on backing vocals. It sounds dreadful. No change then. After the titles, we go to Madge and Harold's house.>

Madge: I'm just popping out dearest.

Harold: Really? Where are you going?

Madge: <Muttering> As far away from you as possible <Louder> Just to the coffee shop to see Daphne, dearest.

Harold: Isn't she dead?

Madge: Yeah but it improves the acting.

<Cut to shed. The Unseen Voice is there. And so is Helen. And no, she isn't dead yet...>

Helen: Look here you. I want my easel. Anyway, who are you?

Unseen Voice: Well, isn't it obvious?

Helen: Not really. I have no idea who you are. I can't even see you.

Unseen Voice: <Shocked> You can't?

Helen: Well of course I bloomin' well can't. You're the Unseen Voice. How on Io am I supposed to see you? well? Hmm?

Unseen Voice: Well I haven't thought about it really...

Helen: I would if I was you.

Unseen Voice: Look, shut up or I won't get you a sofa.

Helen: One question.

Unseen Voice: <Desperation. That bloomin' dramatic music starts too...> Go on...

Helen: Could you make it <Drama builds up here> a big sofa. A deluxe one with a built in easel?

<Cut to view of the Unseen Voice. Well we can't see him. He's unseen. So we just see some black. Okay? Happy with that? I would be if I was you.>

Unseen Voice: Maybe.

<Theme music plays.>

Behind the Scenes

Oh for goodness sake, have we still not found out who the Unseen Voice was? I mean, Helen must have been kidnapped for months by now. Thank goodness this was "broadcast" as a daily serial...


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