Negbores Episode 14

<The recap...>

Madge: Look... It's a bloomin' lethal banana and if you don't get out of my way, you'll feel its full force.

Philip: <Stands tall> Bananas don't scare me.

Madge: Are you sure about that?

Philip: Um... <He looks down to the ground to think about this - stupid sod - Madge takes the oppertunity to whack him around the head with the banana. He falls to the floor. Madge finds the gun and head to the door. Cut to outside with Goyt and Bog Carpenter>

Goyt: I'm going to see what is going on.

Brush: No Hanah! It may be dangerous...

<Goyt heads towards the door. Madge runs out of it. They collide and the gun goes off. It goes into Hanah killing her, jumps out, does a 45 degree u-turn and heads towards Madge. Madge ducks, the bullet turns round and hits her head, killing her also.>

Loo: Oh thank goodness for that! A decent story line and everything. Conspiracy theories - the lot! Yahoo!!!!!

<Theme music... Cut to Paul Bobbinson in the darkened shed. We don't actually see him cos he's still invisible. Helen is still there, singing to herself.>

Helen: Oh I'm an ouzi mama, yeah. Come and light my fire. Oh I'm on fire. Come and fire my Ouzi!

Paul: <To himself> Soon it will all be mine again. Just as soon as Madge gets that gun... I'll have it all again. No more being invisible every time I want to visit Scott and Charlene... <we suddenly see his body start to materialize from the gloom> Hang on... What's happening.... NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

<Back to Ramsey Street and Loo is stood over the bodies of Madge and Goyt.>

Loo: I can't believe it. I just can't believe it... <Sirens blare and five police cars enter the street> Dead... I just can't believe it... And Phil... Where's Phil? PHIL!!!

<Loo rushes into the house. Cut to the jail cell containing Jack, Ben and Glen.>

Glen: Urgh. It feels like we've been here for years.

Ben: Yup. That's the joy of television. We have actually been here for years - forgotten about whilst TV networks debate our future.

Jack: Yeah well can someone tell me how I got this hangover...

Ben: Here. Can you hear anything?

Glen: No <Jack slumps in a corner moaning> Why?

Ben: Well it's just gone very quiet round here. Didn't you notice that rush out just as he was about to give us our food?

Glen: Well I heard the sirens blare yes...

Ben: And look. He's left the keys in the lock. All be need to do is pop our hands through the bars and turn the key and we can be out of here.

Glen: Oh yeah! Time to celebrate guys!

Ben: Here. Jack. Just try shoving your hands through this lock will you.

Jack: Urgh. What lock. What hands?

Glen: Ah. Yes. We don't actually have any hands do we Ben. Somet to do with the fact that we're bottles of whiskey, and bottles aren't renowned for having hands for some reason.

Ben: Oh yeah.... Here, Jack are you alright <Jack throws up in the corner.>

Ben: <pauses...> Here Glen. Look at that.

Glen: Urgh. Must I? Hang on... What? That can't be happening?

Ben: Jack's spew is burning a hole in the floor... Here Glen, are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Glen: Yeah. I think that Whigfield song was crap too.

Ben: No... Not that... If we get Jack to throw up over the lock...

Glen: It could burn the lock out and we'd be able to get out of here...

Ben: ... by simply pushing the door open.

Ben, Glen: <together> We're out of here!

<Cut back to Ramsey Street and five police men have just burst into the Daniels household.>

Policeman 1: Okay. We're clear. Mr Brush. Where do you think he'll be...

Loo: Well Madge said she was going for some of Helen's pills. Probably in the bedroom then. There.

<Two policeman kick the door down.>

Policeman 2: Chief! There's nothing but easels in here!

Loo: That'll be Helen's painting room. Try that one.

<The police try again... Cut to the inside of the room and we see Philip lying on the floor dazed, grunting. The police barge in closely followed by Loo.>

Loo: Phil! Can you hear me! PHIL!!!!

<Theme music and credits>


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