Negbores Episode 15

<Recap: we see Philip lying on the floor dazed, grunting. The police barge in closely followed by Loo Roll.>

Loo: Phil! Can you hear me! PHIL!!!!

<Theme music - having now realized that Max Ramsey is no longer in the soap, having died a few years back, the title sequence has changed and when some other people who left years ago knock the cricket ball through the window, we see a coffin shaking angrily at those outside...>

Phil: <Gunts> My head... What happened to my head...

Loo: Nothing Phill. It's still attached to your body.

Phil: <Feels about to check> Oh yes...

Policeman 1: Can you tell us what happened here sir?

Phil: Yes. I got hit. <Looks around> With that banana <Points at an easel.>

Loo: He's delirious.

Policeman 1: Well I don't think that comparing the gentleman to an band of Christian rock wannabes who only managed to get a record deal by setting up their own record label, is realy fair now is it?

<Cut to Jack, Ben and Glen who are now walking stealthily through the corridors of the deserted police station...>

Ben: I can't believe how easy this is...

Glen: It's as if they want us to escape...

Jack: Urrrrghhh.... Guys... I think I'm going to be sick...

<Cut to Harold Wilson who is wandering around the park which is conveniently placed near the Lassites Hotel... (take note - this fact could be important to the plot...) >

Harold: <Muttering to himself> I wonder where she is... I miss Madge... She's been really weird recently but I still love her... <Louder after spying something on the ground...> Hang on... What's that?

<Cut to a shot of a bizarre creature - the top half is a toad, the bottom has the fins of a fish...>

Harold: Who are you?

Creature: Ribbit-gulp.

Harold: Nice to meet you. Are you all right down there?

Creature: Ribbit-gulp. Ribbit-gulp.

Harold: What? You're moving into number 30 Ramsey Street? Blimey! We'll be neighbours! I'm Harold Wilson. Former UK Prime Minister and rotting corpse. Pleased to meet you Toadfish.

<Cut to the morgue. Philip is standing with Loo, besides the two coffins of Madge and The Goyt Hannah.>

Phil: But what was she doing in Helen's bedroom? I don't understand it... And how did that bullet turn around 45 degrees in the air and kill her after it had already killed dear Goyt?

Loo: The police reckon it's JFK Syndrome.

Phil: JFK Syndrome?

Loo: Yeah. Where somet completely unbelievable happens, that could never happen in real life, and every one doubts, but is put forward as reality by those in charge. Like the Warren Commission who said that JFK was shot by the lone gunman yet if you look at the facts including the make of the gun and the trajectory of the shot, there is no way that Johno could have been shot by one man in the Texaco School Book Depository.

Phil: Wasn't it the Texas school book depository?

Loo: Not since the oil and petrol company Texaco started sponsoring this programme.

<Cut to a shot of Harold and Phil standing there holding a can of oil with cheesy grins on their faces.>

Loo: Hi. I'm TV's Loo Carpenters-Record and I always use Texaco Havoline Oil in my car.

Phil: I'm TV's Philip Martin and I use it all the time too despite the fact that I don't have a car!

<Cut back to shot of coffins...>

Phil: Wasn't Madge in this coffin here?

<Cut to empty coffin and then to shocked looks on Loo and Phil's faces... Theme tune plays.>


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