Negbores Episode 16

<The tedious recap: cut to a shot of a bizarre creature - the top half is a toad, the bottom has the fins of a fish...>

Harold: Who are you?

Creature: Ribbit-gulp.

Harold: Nice to meet you. Are you all right down there?

Creature: Ribbit-gulp. Ribbit-gulp.

Harold: What? You're moving into number 30 Ramsey Street? Blimey! We'll be neighbours! I'm Harold Wilson. Former UK Prime Minister and dead corpse. Pleased to meet you Toadfish.

<Cut back to shot of coffins...>

Phil: Wasn't Madge in this coffin here?

<Play the crappy theme tune.>

Phil: There is something very strange going on... First JFK Syndrome then a corpse disappears...

Loo: You haven't quite got the hang of living in Ramsey Street have you Phil? This is normal life here...

<Cut to inside the shed where the previously unseen Paul Bobbinson is now standing completely seen, with Helen.>

Helen: Yo! Freakin!

Paul: <Angrily> Will you cut out the gangster rapper act PLEASE!

Helen: Oh. Yeah... Err... Paul...

Paul: WHAT?

Helen: You're visible.

Paul: Really? I hadn't noticed...

Helen: What's going on?

Paul: I don't know... But I think the Force is turning against me, turning me into... The farce.

Helen: Big up man.

<Cut back to Phil and Loo leaving the hospital>

Phil: And what am I going to do for a daughter now I've lost Hannah?

Loo: Well you can have the original Lucy. She's been crashing at my place, staying out of shot, since I found her down that manhole. I'm sure she'll be grateful of somet to do.

Phil: I had heard that some distant cousin of one of my old friends wanted to visit Erinsborough so I might offer them a temporary home that will probably end up being permanent at which point I'll buy them a car and they'll run off with the next door neighbour's cat.

Loo: Sounds great.

Phil: Anyway, fancy a pint?

Loo: Strewth mate, I thought you'd never suggest it. My place?

Phil: Your place!

<Cut to Harold wandering aimlessly in the park.>

Harold: Well that Toadfish seemed like a jolly fellow. I'm sure he'll enhance the quality of the street no end... Hang on... Is that a shed I see in the distance? I've never seen that before... And isn't that Madge running into it? Oh I wish I had me glasses...

<Cut to inside the shed. Madge bursts in.>

Madge: Paul! Paul! They're on to... <pause> Paul?

Paul: What?

Madge: I can see you.

Paul: I know. The force has left me and been replaced by the farce. Anyway, why are you alive?

Madge: What?

Paul: You were killed in Ramsey Street. You've got a bullet wound in your chest.

Madge: <Looks shifty> Oh well you see I woke up and it was all a dream.

Paul: Look I know this programme is bad but it's not as bad as Dallas. And will you please remove those huge shoulder pads. You look like an American Football player... Now back to my visibility issue. That can only have been caused by a massive force flux in the area. The amount of force drained from me is roughly the same as that needed to bring.. someone.. back.. to life.... <Paul picks up one of Helen's discarded paintbrushes and waves it threateningly...>

I should have known not to trust you... One minute you're all "Yes Paul. I'll help you get back the hotel..." The next you're stood over me with a tube, draining the force out of every part of my body. <Menacingly, accompanied by dramatic music> You will suffer for this Madge Bishop... YOU WILL SUFFER!

<Theme tune starts...>


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